Back to School 2021: Trying to Feel Normal in an Abnormal World
By: Rosemary Callahan, MA, CADC CODP-I, CRSS
Back in the day, when I was headed back to school, I loaded up my book bag with a fresh Trapper Keeper, some floppy disks, and a couple Lip Smackers and I was reluctantly on my way. But in 2021, that’s not going to cut it. We are going to need some traditional and non-traditional school supplies. Back to school time is always stressful and if people tell you otherwise, they are lying. And when we add COVID-19 and all its implications, things can become even more anxiety producing.
Many people have very valid feelings of fear and uncertainty because of COVID-19 and its aftershocks and there will be a lot of complex thoughts and emotions (because we are complex, thoughtful, and emotional beings) as we transition over to new phases of this pandemic. In a lot of ways, COVID-19 and all that comes with it, threatened our basic safety and psychological needs. Steps we took to remedy the danger, may not be as easily attainable now that school is back in session. And for many people, transitioning out of a quarantine situation in not an option yet for many reasons.
But try not to despair. There is good reason that people are still apprehensive right now. In fact, if you nervous or experiencing any anxiety at this moment in time, I would consider that abnormal. And trust me on this one- I know a little bit about abnormality.
So, let’s take a little look at ways we can try to feel normal in a very abnormal world:
If it doesn’t distress you too much, try to keep track of what’s going on. This does not mean you have to know everything, but it helps when trying to make an informed decision on how to move forward. If you can only handle a little bit of news at a time, check out my guy Lester Holt’s Nightly News. I consider Lester a dear friend as he has kindly and crisply disseminated crazy ass news for me in half hour intervals for the past year and a half. Find comfort in Lester.
Make sure you are getting your information from trustworthy sources such as the Center for Disease Control (CDC) or the World Health Organization (WHO) and not knuckleheads on Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram. Ignore health misinformation as best you can as it is very, very widespread. Make sure you check the date of any articles you read so you are working with the newest data and information. You can also visit snopes.com to fact check information you come across.
At the time of this writing, the CDC recommends that folks, regardless of whether or not they are vaccinated, should wear a mask when indoors. This is after several months of masks being optional for the vaccinated. One word: bummer. Six more words: but it’s got to be done. It is highly recommended that people get vaccinated, as well. This is especially important because of the newer Delta variant that’s angrily floating around.
Now, I know you are thinking “I’m cool. I always wear my mask. I got vaccinated. What I am really worried about is all these unvaccinated clowns running around without masks.” Luckily for everyone reading, I have been living this scenario for over a year at my job with my own clients (and sometimes colleagues, too). My job has very poor ventilation and there are over 150 people in the building which means, there is a potential for a daily super-duper spreader event if prevention plans are not in place. What has helped? Very subtle Jedi mind tricks aka modeling behavior and repetition.
Modeling a behavior is when a new behavior is learned through observation. I remember reading in college that a group on monkeys taught each other how to put straws in juice boxes and they have never looked back. I mean, have you ever seen a monkey thirsty? In our case, modeling proper mask usage may influence another person’s mask usage. For me, I can’t lecture my clients about wearing a mask if I am not wearing a mask. Let’s look at an example:
Last week, a client came to my office without a mask. She started talking to me and I quickly, but politely interrupted saying, “Hold on. Do you need a mask? I have extra” The woman rolled her eyes, dramatically got out of her chair, and left the office (and may have called me the b-word, and I am not talking about boombastic). Several hours later the woman came back (not apologetic at all btw), but fully masked and ready to get on with things.
Now, I am not saying a person should be carrying around boxes of masks to hand out, but consistently wearing a mask and letting it be known that you only interact with people who are wearing masks is modeling our desired behavior.
Repetition is when you repeat yourself using a consistent message. At work, I have said something along the lines of “mask up, please” or “popped that over your nose before we start talking” thousands and thousands of times and I am at the point of irritating myself. But, after a year of saying it, it’s not only the clients that know that I am going to start talking about masks, but also my co-workers, as well. I have seen a look of terror when we lock eyes, and they are unmasked… So… hmmm… job well done, Rose. You are welcome, world.
Objective, as defined by dictionary.com, means “not influenced by personal feelings, interpretations, or prejudice; based on facts; unbiased.” Without becoming a complete robot, I am going to need to accurately assess my interactions when going into different situations. I am going to have to keep it real with myself first and foremost.
According to dictionary.com, the definition of subjective is, “existing in the mind; belonging to the thinking subject rather than to the object of thought; placing excessive emphasis on one’s own moods, attitudes, opinions, etc.; unduly egocentric.”
There is nothing wrong with crying or feeling your feelings. Especially when we have something as hard as COVID-19, it’s going to be paramount to cry and then be furious and then go back to crying and then a hybrid of furious crying. Let all that shit flow out of you as often as needed. Go in the bathroom and cry. Or don’t go anywhere. Start sobbing at Chipotle (let me know you’re crying because of the extra charge for guacamole, though). Do what you need to do to get all the more difficult emotions out.
And then it’s JUST DO IT time.
Example:
Many people have been going to school using an online platform for over a year. Being able to safely learn in the comfort of your own space sounds great to me, but to the best of my knowledge, when folks go back to school this year, it will be in person learning. I am a person who’s naturally anxious, likes to be at home, and does not like change, so this scenario seems like I would launch into a “but I don’t wanna” episode. However, going back to school is going to happen.
So, an objective assessment of the situation would be looking at the things that I need to accomplish for the day without strapping any emotion to it in the moment. This will be difficult at first and do not get upset with yourself if you do become emotional. After assessing the situation at school, I may need to find alternate hallway routes if I am concerned about a crowd or sit by an open window if I am concerned about air circulation. Waiting until the last moment to plan something like that may be anxiety provoking, though and objectively planning it beforehand could help ease some of that uneasiness. Writing down the JUST DO IT plan and tearing it up when done may help ease a little tension.
I wish I would have thought of asking people to stay six feet away from me earlier in life. But good old Rona always shows me something new. With all the Zoom meetings and online learning in place, physical boundaries have been taken care of for us. Now, we are going to have to reestablish our own unique definition of physical boundaries and we are going to have to practice reinforcing it. This is not easy because we will always have habitual boundary crossers.
We live in a time where everyone has a new set of boundaries, and everyone’s new set of boundaries is not fully developed to include the multitude of decisions that one needs to make in the age of COVID19. Masks and vaccines count as boundaries for me; I am an essential worker in a healthcare setting and would not want to infect my family. At times I have had to put my hand up and say “stop” for people to keep a good enough distance away from me. As we continue to go forward, my comfortability may ease up or become stricter depending on the situation or even the people I hang out with it.
What I have found the most difficult are the intellectual and emotional boundaries. I simply can no longer entertain any misinformation about COVID19. Period. You don’t have too either. I have put up this boundary because I just don’t have the time or patience or energy for nonsense because there is so much more stuff to do. Yesterday a man started to tell me some obvious ridiculous statistic about vaccines, and I hit him with a “stop. I am not discussing that.” If someone tries to criticize my position about staying healthy, I will hit them with the “Thanks, but I am not looking for any feedback at this time.”
So, yeah. Congratulations on all the growth we have all made trying to navigate an impossible situation. COVID19 and all that comes with it is scary and it is normal to feel scared and/or anxious. But let me say it loud and clear for the people in the back: Starting a new school year will not be easy, but it is doable. If you find that you need extra support talk with family or friends or even school staff. And there is no shame in seeing a therapist, either. Remember to stay safe and have fun.
Originally published at http://sarahlewislcsw.wordpress.com on August 11, 2021.
